Exclusive, Featured, Interviews | The Two Friends Coach Me Through A Kiss Cam With A Committed Woman, Finish A 50 Shades Of Grey Excerpt And More

Posted by Mel on January 14, 2014

The year was 2008. The month was September. It was a brisk Monday morning. The air was thin and the women were thick. A young Matt Halper emerges from his slumber to once again find sentience in his willy after almost a fortnight without. “Ya swooned me bro” he says as he looks across the room at the bottle of Vaseline he sometimes uses. After a quick shower and a thorough application of Old Spice body spray across his unimpressive body, he headed off to school. It was the first day of the school year and he had just moved from the great state of Wyoming to the northeastern region of Guatemala so he was a tad worried that there wouldn’t be any cute girls there, let alone white people. His slightly racist worries were soon cast aside however when on his way to school, he was kidnapped and held for ransom by a middle aged caucasian woman. She didn’t have a weapon or anything, she just simply overpowered him.

Days became weeks and the weeks peaked at three. On the third week of his capture there was a breakthrough. The woman who had intended to hold him for a ransom changed her mind when she realized he was not a very attractive guy so nobody would really care enough to pay a sizable fund for his release, so she just forgot about him. The unexpected demise of Matt Halper was seemingly inevitable at this point and after being trapped in a dark room for weeks, he had just about given up all hope. That is until he heard the undoing of the lock and the door abruptly open. “Here, take this and come with me” a mysterious hooded person said as they tossed him a small cylindrical thing. Matt and his saviour ran through the door only to be confronted by the woman, who was in fact Darth Vader. It was only then that he looked down and realized what it was he was holding. Matt drew his lightsaber and in tandem with the hooded man, began combat with the Sith Lord. They defeated him swiftly and got on the first flight back to America. They were sitting on the plane when Matt broke the silence, looked at his saviour and asked “who are you?”. “The name’s Eli, Eli Manning”.

And that’s the story of how Matt Halper and Eli Sones, known collectively as The Two Friends met. We had a chance to talk to them about mostly non-music related things and it got pretty heated (they insulted my sister but then said jk so I let it slide). Read on for the interview.

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