The DJ Mag Top 100 Poll Is Live, Thank God

Posted by Spice on July 16, 2013

Has it really only been five minutes nine months since the results of the 2012 DJ Mag Top 100 Poll? Wow. That totally flew by.

The DJ Mag poll is more than just a poll, of course; it’s an increasingly dominant internet sideshow that is about to become a larger part of your life than you’d probably like. How we’ve missed the pageantry of it all — the fervent sense of camaraderie that gets expressed through status updates (see above); the earnest pleas to our finer sensibilities (“a vote for Steve Aoki is a vote for pandas!”); the reliable kvetching from @Deadmau5 (“lol fuk this poll…even though I always crush the top 5 #whatever”); and, of course, the overwhelming sense of inevitability anticipation (spoiler alert: Armin wins in 2013). The only thing better than Shark Week is the DJ Mag Top 100 Poll!

In truth, this year’s poll is already shaping up to be even more unbearable than ever, due to two very distinct forces coming together to create a veritable perfect storm of awfulness:

1) Hashtags over everything. (Case in point: Ferry Corsten is now a hashtag on his own Facebook page.)

2) The EDM Explosion of 2010-Present — or whatever phrase du jour you, your grandmother, and/or The New York Times are using to refer to this awesome/terrible watershed moment in our musical metanarrative.

So if you think you’re in for anything more than a whole lotta this for the next three months…well, LOL, bro. That’s adorable.

The main reason the DJ Mag poll is idiotic and not worth paying attention to is because of the above nonsense. This is what the DJ Mag poll entails, and indeed what it is primarily constituted by: brain-dead campaign tactics continuing unabated in the Twitter feed from your worst nightmare. When voting ends, an unnecessarily long waiting period commences — presumably to drum up excitement. The length of the waiting period is actually a blessing in disguise, however, because we all get a break from the relentless retweeting. Sadly, when the results are finally revealed (to much fanfare at a party that will probably be hosted by David Guetta), the circle jerk resumes anew with added fervor. For Immediate Release: Sebastian Ingrosso Moves Up To #16!

Now, let’s be clear about a few things. Does this poll have anything to do with anything? No. Is it reflective of who is actually a good DJ — or who you should be listening to? Of course not. Don’t kid yourself. The DJ Mag Top 100 is nothing more than a desperate popularity contest, equivalent to being back in high school and watching the jocks, nerds and band geeks fight over space in the cafeteria. (Except, technically speaking, everyone is a band geek.)

If you’re a DJ, I beg you to rise above this gigantic farce and stop campaigning right now. Your “vote for me” videos with original animation were amusing and sweetly original in 2011; now, they’re tired, embarrassing, and a monumental waste of your PR budget. Take that money and hire a better publicist — one who will advise you to remain intriguingly aloof as this mockery runs its tiresome course. The press releases your people will soon be sending out in droves do nothing but contribute to the poll’s legitimacy and help it garner more attention.

If you’re a promoter, I beg you to play your part in ending this vicious cycle of tooldom by not giving any credence whatsoever to the poll. Part of the reason why DJs feel so much pressure to whore themselves out for three months is because — apparently — the boots on the ground at clubs the world over are now actually basing real life financial decisions around these glorified yearbook superlatives. Wow, dude. First of all, everyone already knows that Tiesto, Armin, Avicii, and Calvin Harris will bring in top dollar at any club. If you, The Promoter, need an anonymous Facebook survey to tell you that, you have bigger problems than I have room for in this post and definitely have no business making bookings. Maybe you should be asking yourself: who’s heating up on Hypem these days? Or: who’s starting to draw sizeable crowds at music festivals for the first time?

If you’re a voter, I beg you to see this poll for what it really is: not a platform for you to express your love for Nicky Romero, but a rare and shining opportunity to fuck shit up. You have two tools in your arsenal, and I want you to use them. They are:

1) Hardstyle
2) DJ Hodor (you are permitted to use the hashtag #Hodor)

Think about it: how hilarious would it be if the results come in and made it seem like everyone who voted just attended Defqon.1? Really, really hilarious. I’m not saying there’s any chance of that actually happening (Hardwell, Zedd and Porter will surely all be strong buys this year), but it is truly an awesome possibility to entertain. DJ Mag would be like, uhhhh…WAT? And we’d be all, u mad bro?

So let’s do the thing. It’s time to take a stand — for our newsfeeds, for our night clubs, and indeed for our God-given freedoms. It’s our moment, people. Let’s troll the goddamn poll.

Tags: armin van buuren, deadmau5, dj, DJ Mag, DJ mag poll, Dj Mag top 100, Hardwell, like that, Nicky Romero, PR, reason, right now, school, Shark Week, steve aoki, Thank God, top 100 djs, use, videos, WAT