Al Walser: The Definitive Guide

Posted by on December 6, 2012

If you’re among the dwindling percentage of the population that considers the Grammys to be a relevant barometer of today’s music scene, this was probably an exciting morning for you. Nominations for the 2013 awards (where we honor songs from 2012; yes, it’s all terribly confusing) have arrived — and in true Grammys fashion, there are some absolute curveballs thrown into an otherwise dull and predictable mix. Chief among them:

1. No nominations for Bieber. Cue mass Belieber outrage. God willing, however, the Biebs will still get tapped to perform, and in doing so will treat us to yet another glorious display of those drop crotch Hammer-pant legging things he so favors.

2. “Levels” was apparently released after October 2, 2011 and thus qualifies for a nomination.

3. Al Walser.

Since we’re assuming that this is the first you’re hearing of Al, we’ve prepared this handy guide to get you up to speed with the man of the hour. Check out the high budget marvel that is the above video, and then join us after the jump.

Al Walser: The Top Ten Things You Need To Know

1. Al Walser is an “alround (sic) international entertainment mogul.”

2. Al Walser hails from Liechtenstein. Liechtenstein is notable for being the 6th smallest country in the world.

2. Al Walser is the CEO and Founder of Cut The Bull Entertainment, a highly regarded international record label with a tasteful, memorable logo.

3. Al Walser signed the Glamour Girls, also known as “The Sexiest Djs alive.” Members of the Glamour Girls include Naughty Girl, Busty Girl, and Innocent.

4. Al Walser is famous for performing in a space suit.

5. Al Walser was born on the exact same day that the very first Mac computer was sold.

6. Al Walser received an award from a sheriff in Los Angeles for culturally enriching the Los Angeles community through his business efforts.

7. Al Walser first got his start by winning numerous karaoke competitions in Switzerland.

8. Al Walser’s ethos as a DJ is simple: he “takes the dance floor by the balls and grips it there until the crowd begs for submission.”

9. Al Walser is the host and producer of the world’s most listened syndicated dance radio show, “Al Walser’s Weekly Top 20.” Look out, Armin van Buuren…

10. Al Walser is a close personal friend of Mariah Carey.

So there you have it folks. Grammy material? You betcha.

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