Thou Shall Not- The Ten Blog Commandments

Posted by A on February 11, 2013

I’ve been in this blog game a long time. Too long, really. I’m basically the Brett Farve of blogging without the talent and Wrangler jeans endorsement. I just can’t help myself. These days, it takes a lot for me to sit down and write a post. I’ve had to put away childish blog pursuits in favor of paying my bills and laboring over which Roth IRA I should choose. The only time I blog is when something in the blogosphere makes me mad. It’s a shame, but I wanted to come down from blog Sinai to share with you some divinely inspired commandments which every manager, artist, and “unsigned hype” can benefit from. I present, “The Ten Blog Commandments.”

1. THOU SHALL NOT ASK A BLOGGER WHERE YOU CAN FIND HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS.

I can’t tell you how many times I get this. When you ask me this, you are effectively telling me that you don’t read my website and are physically unable to locate the “contact/about me” tab listed prominently on said website. Don’t be this person. This person doesn’t get their music posted on my website. This person is sent to my “spam” folder forever and has made it hard on themselves to be taken seriously next release.

2. THOU SHALL NOT HIT A BLOGGER UP ON FACEBOOK TO ASK HIM IF HE CHECKED YOUR E-MAIL.

Don’t do this. Really, don’t. It’s the worst when I’m trolling through my timeline and suddenly a manager or artist assaults my retinas via facebook chat to ask me whether or not I’ve had a chance to listen to their track. Here’s a pro-tip: If a blogger doesn’t respond to your e-mail by the next business day they’re not interested. Very few blogs will write you back and tell you, “Sorry, this sucks. I can’t post it.” Nobody has that time. You’re only shooting yourself in the foot by sending the submission for a second time.

3. THOU SHALL NOT SEND A COPY-PASTED E-MAIL TO A BLOG.

We know when you’re copy pasting your e-mails. Yeah, I said it. That font that doesn’t match up to the body? Copy and paste. That “we’d love to hear from InsertWebsiteNameHere.com” in your e-mail. Copy and paste. The old “I read your blog every single day” line. Yeah, you said it, copy and paste. We’re trained copy and paste professionals. We can spot that a mile away. Take the time to write a personal e-mail. We know we’re not the only blog. I know it’s time consuming but it goes a long way and earns you respect.

4. THOU SHALL NOT TELL ME WHAT OTHER BLOGS POSTED YOUR MUSIC TO JUSTIFY YOURS.

By nature, bloggers are jealous creatures. We don’t want to know you’re cheating on us with other websites. We don’t want to know how many of their Google Adsense ads you’ve caressed. How many page-views you’ve given them over a cacophony of smooth jazz. How many times you’ve delicately “liked” their posts. We don’t care and don’t want to know. If you’re playing us, keep it on the low. Cause’ our hearts can’t take it anymore.

5. THOU SHALL NOT ASSUME YOUR SUBMISSION WILL AUTOMATICALLY BE POSTED.

Perhaps most problematic in the blogosphere is the false expectation that a blog posts creates for future releases. For example: “X” blog posts “Y” artist. “Y” artist believes they have an in. “Y” artist becomes friends with blogger who posted him. “Y” artist hits up blogger of “X” blog via Facebook, asks him to post his new video that was just released ten seconds ago. “Y” artist gets upset because blogger of “X” website doesn’t like it. This creates an awkward situation for both parties. Never assume in this sordid blog game.

6. THOU SHALL NOT SPAM A BLOG ON TWITTER WITH A LINK TO YOUR MUSIC.

This one really grinds my gears. I understand that artists want to get heard by as many folks as possible with the least amount of effort. Artists will often spam people on Twitter with a link to their music, usually accompanied by a request for a “RT”. This is perhaps the feeblest of all attempts. This isn’t the way you get someone’s attention. It’s bad form. It says I was too lazy to sit down and write a big boy e-mail like a professional. Sending a personal e-mail, instead of spamming, is working smarter not harder.

7. THOU SHALL NOT USE ANYTHING ELSE BUT SOUNDCLOUD TO SHARE YOUR MUSIC.

We don’t want to click on your ZShare, BatShare, Zippyshare, Usershare, Hulkshare, Sharebeast, Soundowl, Bee Mp3 link. We want to be able to preview it. We don’t want to have to open it up in our iTunes. If it’s bad, we don’t want to go to the extra effort to trash it. There is, however, one exception. That is exception is the .zip. That’s the only time it’s acceptable to use a file-sharing site to share your link. Soundcloud and AudioMack have become the blog industry standard.

8. THOU SHALL RETWEET AND SHARE THE POST THE BLOGGER TOOK THE TIME TO CREATE.

We bloggers don’t ask a lot. We’re underpaid and overworked. Most of us don’t do it because we’re looking for a paycheck. We do it because we genuinely love music and enjoy sharing it with our friends. When a blogger takes the time to throw your music up on his site, the least you can do is show appreciation by “retweeting’ or “sharing” his link. Consider how long it takes for a blogger to create a post. They have to hunt down your social media links, find a suitable picture, listen to the song, write something moderately intelligent about the song, post it on Facebook, and post it on Twitter. That’s a lot of work. Not retweeting or sharing the link they’ve so carefully created comes off as unappreciative. Don’t be unappreciative.

9. THOU SHALL NEVER EVER SEND A WORLDSTAR HIP-HOP VIDEO LINK.

Don’t get me wrong, I can’t get enough of WorldStarHipHop.com. Where else are you going to find ratchet 240p fights next to videos of model vixens next to the infamous Jody Highroller. I’m not ashamed to say I check it every single day. I can’t get enough. Like or not, they are the biggest video website out there. Regardless of their clout, please don’t send me a WorldstarHipHop.com link. I know they have more traffic than I do, but it’s not going to increase your chances of getting posted. If anything, it will hurt you. You’ll get upset, want to fight me, and then we’ll all end up on WorldStar. WORLDSTAR! *fight ensues*

10. THOU SHALL NOT SEND ME A COVER OF A SONG THAT WAS RELEASED THREE HOURS AGO.

If you’re an established blog artist, you get a pass. If you’re an artist that’s not established, and you’re e-mailing me out of the blue with your remix within a few hours of the new Kanye West/Jay-Z/Rick Ross/Future/Drake single, don’t expect anyone to take you seriously. Rather than remix the new “hot” single, try sending something that I haven’t heard before. Bloggers are suckers for original content. Good rule of thumb: if you can’t improve upon the original, don’t cover it.

It’s my hope that you’ll adopt these commandments into your personal lives in order to increase your following and become one with the blog world. These rules aren’t profound. They’re common sense.

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